Andy Borowitz at the New Yorker:
TALIBAN OVERHAUL IMAGE TO WIN ALLIES
The Taliban have embarked on a sophisticated information war, using modern media tools as well as some old-fashioned ones, to soften their image. . . . The dictates include bans on suicide bombings against civilians, burning down schools, or cutting off ears, lips and tongues. —The Times.
Isn’t it time you took another look at . . . the Taliban™?
Not your father’s Taliban™. The New Taliban™. TalibanLite™.
We know what you’re thinking: “The Taliban™? Aren’t they the dudes who blow up shit and cut off body parts?”
LOL! You’re thinking of the Old Taliban™.
How do we know what you’re thinking?
You’re, like, “Focus groups? Since when do the Taliban™ do focus groups?”
We’re, like, “Since Domino’s Pizza started doing them.”
You told Domino’s their crust tasted like cardboard and their sauce tasted like ketchup. Harsh, right? But your criticism only made their pizza much tastier. At the New Taliban™, we want to be the Domino’s of extremists. More: